Navigating Friendships as an Adult

I will be the first to admit that I’m not always the most secure in my friendships. When I first moved to the UK, I really struggled with lonliness and didn’t have a way to make friends. Pair that with the fact that I’ve always been kind of insecure in my friendships, ever since I was a kid. I kept to myself mostly, and would read a lot. As a result, I found making friends pretty difficult. Even now, as an adult, navigating friendships can be a little tricky, but I’m learning…

I’m at a place now where I feel like I have a nice group of friends. It took some time though, and I definitely feel like I’ve learned a lot along the way. I’m definitely still holding on to some residual damage from my childhood that keeps that insecurity under the surface. I had so many friends just shut me out with no real explanation, or people who pretended to be my friends just to tease me. When people treat you like that, you kind of learn to second guess people’s motives. You teach yourself to step away from situations and disengage because it’s easier than being hurt again. It has taken me some time to unlearn those things, and I’m still working on it…

SOME FRIENDSHIPS HAVE SEASONS

One thing I’m trying to remind myself of is that all friendships have seasons. Sometimes they burn hot and you’re in constant communication, hanging out regularly, and have all the time in the world for each other. Sometimes they cool off… maybe it’s been a few months since you last spoke or finding time to catch up proves difficult. That doesn’t necessarily mean that friendship is over.

In the past, I definitely would have taken that to heart. It does suck, especially if you feel like you’re putting a bit more effort in than the other person. Still though, eventually things might change. Life can get in the way and if people are going through a tough time… well, these things happen. Sometimes though, friendships move and change. You grow apart… and that’s okay too. No one likes losing friends, but it’s a part of life. It just means that friendship has served its purpose.

OTHER FRIENDSHIPS ARE MEANT TO BE FLEETING…

When I first moved to the UK, trying to make friends was really hard. I would meet people, and we’d hang out a few times before it inevitably fizzled out. At first, I really struggled with this but eventually realized that it was normal. I just hadn’t found my people yet. It also doesn’t mean that those friendships didn’t mean anything, no matter how brief they were. They were right at the time, and that’s what matters.

HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS IS NOT THE SAME AS HAVING VALUABLE FRIENDSHIPS…

This is definitely something I still struggle with. I sometimes feel like I should have more friends than I do. Maybe it’s the high schooler in me crying out. The fact of the matter is, I love my small group of friends and they’re all really important to me. I’d rather have 5 close friends who love and support me than 50 friends who I’m not that close with. That’s not to say that having those acquaintances is bad! It’s just that their value means different things.

I think one of the toughest aspects of navigating friendships as an adult is maintaining them, and also not letting my own insecurities get in the way. I’ve mentioned before that I can be quite insecure in my friendships. Especially because I’m sort of coming into pre-existing friend groups. It can be tricky for sure.

As I get older though, I’m getting better at navigating friendships, but it can still be difficult. The good thing is that I know I’m not alone. I remember listening to Liv and Charlotte discuss friendship on their podcast and the whole time I was nodding my head in agreement! At the end of the day, I still cherish all my friendships. The friends I made when I was little aren’t really my friends anymore, but I still cherish them. The friends I’m making now, well, I cherish them too.