Why I Finally Decided to Go To Counselling

Trigger Warning: discussions of mental health and trauma

Looking within… The pandemic has definitely been a trial by fire situation but losing my job and having to pivot has also opened up some doors for me. One of those doors, I was hovering on the edge of for a few years. Counselling is something I had thought about pursuing in recent years, but I never really got around to doing it. It turns out, the shift that the pandemic created was exactly what I was waiting for. I’d done some CBT in the past (that’s cognitive behavioural therapy, if you’ve not heard the term before) but was looking for something more. Here’s why I decided the time was right to go to counselling…

We all carry trauma in some form, but we all deal with it differently. I, for a very long time, repressed some of my experiences, because that was easier than dealing with it. Those events still have an effect on my life today though, whether I want them to or not. They’ve informed how I think, how I respond to things, and some of that can be really toxic.

I’ve known for a while that I had some unresolved issues I wanted to work on, like my disordered relationship with food, or being bullied from a young age. I’ve spoken about that before, but I never really delved back into it. I would be triggered by things and not understand why I was reacting the way I was. Or at moments when I felt low, I would relive some of my worst, most lonely moments… as if my mind was telling me I deserved what I was feeling.

It’s a vicious cycle, and one that I realised I was pretty ready to step away from.

COUNSELLING HAS BEEN A HUGE HELP IN NOT JUST UNCOVERING THOSE THINGS BUT HELPING ME UNDERSTAND THEM.

I had my first session back in June of 2020, after several weeks of really struggling with my mental health. I decided it was time. Some of those sessions were really difficult, where we’ve unearthed long buried feelings. I mean, crying so much my head hurts type feelings.

The emotional scars left by an ex-boyfriend, who played the nice guy but had a questionable understanding of consent. People in my life who were toxic and manipulative, who I was reluctant to see for what they were. The feeling of loneliness and isolation that stemmed back to childhood, because no matter how hard I tried I never fit in. Did I enjoy rediscovering these things? Not particularly… but I’ve grown a lot from opening up about it.

We build walls to protect ourselves, but sometimes keeping them up is no longer sustainable. It no longer became feasible for me to carry on as I was.

There are also sessions that are overwhelmingly positive, and reassuring. Where I can share things that make me happy, or even just chat and see where the conversation takes us. There are sessions that are somewhere in the middle too…

The most important thing is, I feel like I as a person have grown so much. I can see how far I’ve come and even though it’s been hard at times, I’m so glad I’m doing this.

Whenever I mention counselling on social media, I get a lot of questions, so I thought I’d answer a few of them, in case it helps you with your own counselling journey… My experiences are specific to me, of course, but hopefully it opens up the conversation. I’ve found counselling to be so incredibly helpful but I also know it can be overwhelming!

How did you find your counsellor?
There are a lot of resources to find a counsellor, but it can also be really overwhelming. The one I found the most helpful was the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. They have a directory where you can look for counsellors by location, or by a specific issue you want help with. I searched and narrowed it down from there.

How do you know if you’ve found the right counsellor?
When I was looking for a counsellor, I narrowed it down to a few that sounded like a good fit and did a phone consultation with each of them. You can tell a lot from a 10 minute phone call! I knew my counsellor was the right one because I immediately felt comfortable with her. We did a first session and then it was left up to me whether to continue from there. It’s important to trust your gut, so if you’re not comfortable with someone, don’t feel like you need to stick with them.

Is it pricey?
Different counsellors will have different prices. I figure, since I’m not commuting into work right now, that money can be spend on my wellbeing. I spend £60 a session, but that’s manageable for me. Each person’s financial situation will vary, as will counsellors rates. I’m getting a lot out of my sessions though, so it feels very worth it!

How do I prioritise what I talk about? Do you talk about specific events or just general stuff that comes up?
I don’t really go with things to talk about specifically, unless there is something on my mind that I want to discuss. That being said, sometimes a simple conversation can lead to a more in depth discussion. Sometimes things are triggered. My counsellors sometimes asks me questions to elaborate on something I’ve said, but generally speaking, it’s me that leads the sessions. When you’re trialing a counsellor, that’s probably a good question to ask!

Is it hard opening up to a stranger?
Yes and no! Some topics are hard to talk about, but I think the space kind of makes up for it being a stranger if that makes sense. I know I’m in a safe, judgement-free zone, so discussing things with my counsellor is definitely easier sometimes. As I’ve worked with her longer, that trust has built up too, so in one sense, I’m more open than I was at the start. I just gauge how I’m feeling, really!

Counselling is a really personal thing, but I do think it’s important to be open about it. I’ve spoken about the difficulties I find in navigating friendships as an adult, which is an area I’ve also been working on in counselling. Heck, even my move to the UK had an effect on my mental health that I’m still coping with.

Going to counselling has been a conscious choice on better myself and better manage my mental health and wellbeing. It’s a choice that at times leaves me drained and exhausted, but I have no regrets. I have a better understanding of who I am, and what has made me that way.

I feel like I’ve grown so much in the last eight months, and that feels incredibly empowering!